Lester: I'm watching youtube videos instead of finishing my project.
Lesters Thought: Why do you think that is?
Lester: Because I'm trying to avoid it. I'm afraid. I use to make things because I hoped to show it off and impress people. But I've learned that eventually that disappoints me. It hurts me more afterwards when I pursue things for the purpose of impressing people. It feels unfair knowing all the efforts I do. I do not get the reactions I want. Now I have opposite dilema. I want to avoid hurting myself from seeking people's approval, but I find that without the need for approval, I struggle to see the point of doing any project.
Lesters Thought: Then why did you start it?
Lester: I was curious. I wanted to see if I'm capable of creating what I have in mind. That itself is scary because what if I'm not? I often think I'm more capable than what I really am.
Lesters Thought: Why is it important to be more capable than what you are capable of?
Lester: I want to impress people.
Lester Thought: Why is it important to impress people?
Lester: It's good for social status. It provides opportunities.
Lesters Thoughts: Why are those important?
Lester: Social status, not really that important. Opportunities allow better income and more buying power.
Lester Thoughts: What will you use more buying power for?
Lester: Lots of toys. Houses. And financial security.
Lester Thoughts: 1) Will those make you happy? 2) Are you sure financial security exists?
Lester: We'll from experience, I know when I achieve something I want it doesn't feel any different. Sure, there is a big difference between having money and not having money but regardless, I can still breath. I can still see. I can still touch. I can still smile. Those are very simple to achieve and free. In essence, there is a fantasy not to be where I am for the illusion that there is something better outside it. But if there is, I'm not there thereby it's simply a waste of the given luxuries available here and now for the fantasy that there is something better.
Lester: Any sense of security is an idealist goal. Security implies permanence. Permanence is contradictory to how nature works. Nature moves through time. Transforms it's contents from one to another. The atoms that are arranged to form me are the sames atoms found everywhere else. It simply configures itself in different configurations. Because the truth is the worst that could happen is death. We are all dying. Our nature is nothingness. The short time we are alive and concious is only a privilege we are lucky enough to experience. When our privilege runs out in death, we scatter our atoms into different contents of this universe. Some of your atoms may be in the plants, in the air, in the soil. Some of your atoms may be in another person. You are the universe.
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